Friday, July 23, 2010

My Four "R's"

My goal at the beginning of this little adventure was to live one great story, and I have to say I’m a tad bit disappointed. Most of what I lived was just awkward situations that could be spun for a couple of cheap laughs. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve enjoyed every single minute of my time down here immensely. My dream was to do something important. I wanted to do something that would leave an impact on the people I met down here. I wanted, as corny as it sounds, to make a difference. Although I may not have done anything worth writing down, my experience did change me. I regained an appreciation for things that had once been important to me. These four things had slowly dissipated over the years until they were completely lost. These are my four R’s.

A major passion that was reignited during my time here in Brazil was reading. While endeavoring to live out a great story I couldn’t help but return to some of the classics that have inspired people for generations. One belief of mine that I believe was instilled in me by my father was a love of story. I’ve always loved to read. I think it was originally a way to stay up late. When a parent walks in and finds you reading at two in the morning what can they do? Ground you from reading? Eventually it became more than an excuse to stay up late. The characters, particularly in the classics, engrossed me especially the characters that faced insurmountable obstacles and trudged on. I can’t help but quote one of the greatest monologues in film history by a Mr. Samwise Gamgee after Frodo gives up hope.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I am completely aware that it doesn’t get much cornier, but it’s characters like these that inspire. Reading constantly reintroduces attributes that are impossible to come by, but everyone desires. These attributes are necessary for someone to live a story worth retelling after they’re gone. So this is why I read. It’s a vision of what a great story could look like.

I used to run for the sole purpose of being in shape to play sports. Eventually it became something else. In all honesty it hast to become something else if you want to continue running after sports are done with. In Brazil I didn’t have much to do. Your options become limited when you don’t know the city and you don’t have a car. So I ran. I’d stopped running for sometime, but, with nothing else to do, I started back up here in Brazil. I’d forgotten how it felt. I started off running around three miles a day. It soon evolved into six to ten miles a day. I had no motive. I honestly don’t care about what I look like with my shirt off (Although it’s an added bonus let’s not kid ourselves). There is a new motivation for running. Deep down it was the reason I enjoyed the longer distances more than the short sprints in high school. Well that and the fact that I’m impossibly slow. Distance running is a different animal than sprints. In every distance race there comes a point when the runner is forced to make a decision. He hits the wall. His legs ache and his lungs are on fire. He smashes into a brick wall and has to choose whether to stop or not. For some reason, I’m betting on my dad, I love that moment in the run. My dad’s always said, “A man loves the grind.” In all honesty I do. I love the moment when I get to decide whether or not I can go on. So far I’ve never hit the point where I couldn’t convince myself to keep going. Running is a poetic metaphor for life I believe. Maybe that’s just too much time stuck inside my own head talking. I suppose there comes a time when things just look hopeless and the decision is yours. When stuff kicks your teeth in do you get up or stay down? I guess, for me, running is a daily reminder that characters worth their salt always get up.

I picked up writing again as well. I’m well aware this word doesn’t begin with the an ‘r’ but it’s got the sound. I’ve always loved to write, mostly short stories and beginnings of novels that will never be finished. No, these will never be able to be viewed by the public. I write as a means of expression not for people to see. I haven’t been just writing a blog here in Brazil either. Writing for me is a way to imagine a character that I want to be. I don’t mean physical attributes obviously. I mean those attributes that make a character who he is. The struggles he’s faced and persevered through. The triumphs he’s had and the failures that made him who he is. For me writing is a way to imagine where I want to be and then strive forward to be that character. Writing is a form of what is known as self-prophecy. Thank you fundamentals of communication. Yes mom and dad that’s what my college fund is going towards. Donald Miller put’s it best in his new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. His contention is that the characteristics of people in the stories that we love to read are applicable in reality as well as in story.

The last ‘r’ is reuniting. I couldn’t think of a better word that begins with an ‘r’ for daily devotionals and the title wouldn’t work if it was three ‘r’s and a ‘d’. While viewing life with the lenses of attempting to live a great story I applied it to just about everything I saw. That includes while I was reading the Bible. One of my favorite preachers put it best when he said something to the effect of the Bible is not a road map for your life, but rather a great story about the glory of God. Reading the Bible like a story rather than a textbook reignited a passion for studying it that used to be there but burned out shortly after church camp. The Bible isn’t a good road map to life, but as far as revealing the glory of God through His ability to use what is wicked and wretched for the good of those who trust him is a fascinating read. No one likes to read a list of rules. Who doesn’t enjoy and epic tale? Reading the Bible like a story revealed just how outlandishly fantastic some of the things inside are.

So no, I didn’t do anything that dropped jaws. I didn’t jump in front of a bus saving a complete strangers life. I didn’t march into the Amazon and convert a nation of indigenous people. I didn’t stand in the streets of Campo Grande preaching in a different tongue and converting hundreds of people at once. When I leave here people might miss me for my charms, the laughs we had, or just the crazy American kid who taught us poker that one time. Most of them will forget my name by the next year, but I regained some essential parts of my life that I once life so I can’t say the trip wasn’t a success. In fact it might be more of a success than I had originally planned. I didn’t make a real difference in the lives of these people, but I suppose regretting that is the first step in doing something about it. I’m nineteen years old. I’ve got the rest of my life to do something worth mentioning in the future, but one thing this trip has taught me is that stories don’t just fall into your lap. They tease you from the other side of a large gap. Stories don’t come easy. Sometimes you have to jump for it and hope it turns out well. In the immortal words of my friend Chad, which I’m sure came from somewhere that I’m just not familiar with, “You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.” Maybe I didn’t doing anything spectacular, but if I’ve gained anything from this trip it was a bit of courage to go for it the next time an opportunity comes around. This may be my last post from Brazil, but here’s to hoping something will happen in the future that will be worth writing down. The blog will continue because I enjoy writing it and it’s an incentive to live deliberately. I’ll leave Brazil with this quote from Mark Twain, “Let us endeavor to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

3 comments:

  1. Beautiful, Hutton! Thank you.

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  2. I LOVE your blogs, Hutton. Can't wait to see you in person and let you tell me some stories. You are an amazing young man. Love you, Grandma

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  3. Who are the five richest men in the world? I do not know. Who are the last five actors who won the Oscar for best acting? I do not remember. Who are the five best preachers? I do not know. Who are the last five Nobel Prize winners? I do not remember.
    Who are the last 5 people who showed humility? This I remember one of those people was an American boy who while sitting at a desk Brazilian preferred eat pizza with knife and fork and said:"Quando estou no brasil, sou brasileiro"
    (não sei se você vai lembrar)

    People forget the great men, but not great (or small,I think it's great) attitudes.

    =D

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